A conundrum

So I'm just sitting here relaxing for a bit and realized a few things. First, I haven't said goodbye to any of the kids at Amani. I'm going to go resolve that in a few minutes on my way to KCMC to finish packing.

The second is more complex: I've been writing about how I'm looking forward to my old routine. I just realized that my old routine also means I'm going to work on Monday (and actually I'll be logging a little time on Friday night to book travel to Grand Rapids for Monday). One of the worst feelings at the end of a vacation (especially four weeks away from work) is the disappointment that work is just around the corner. I enjoy my job, but there are certain aspects following a return from vacation that are not fun. The one that comes to mind first is all of the e-mail that I will have to deal with. Second, the stress that there might not be any available seats on a flight to Grand Rapids for next week (or no hotels). I need to take care of Advisory University registration (even though I'll be registering late-- the registration period was entirely within my vacation period.) I'm certainly not going to take care of this work stuff now while I'm on vacation, because keeping clear separation between work and vacation is very important to me. I have been periodically downloading my work e-mail to stay somewhat loosely informed. I absolutely do not act on anything during vacation (and seldom on the weekend for that matter). I need the clear split.

The conundrum: So even though I'm looking forward to a return to things I am familiar with, I just realized that I'm also not looking forward to the routine because it is exactly that: the old routine. It's a perplexing contradiction and it's leaving me feeling uncomfortable. I'm saying two things: I want the old routine and I don't want it. There is too much change for me to be happy and not enough change for me to be happy. I haven't figured out what separates one statement from the other yet. Maybe my experience here has been so jarringly differrent from what I'm used to that my three weeks here have become some sort of alternate reality within the construct of my mind. That's not a helpful way of trying to describe how this feels I guess--a bit over the deep end on the sci-fi factor. I'm not going crazy, I promise.

Now, just to provide some reassurance after all of the doomsday junk, I'm not going to leave PwC anytime soon--like I said before, I enjoy my work, so basically I just have to suck it up and deal with the fact that returning to the US is just as major of a change as coming here, and I obviously survived here for three weeks. I should be able to pick up my life in the US where I left it. I would bet that what I'm feeling now is just a reflection of the same fear I felt on my way to Tanzania. Major change is hard and frightening.

Last day in Africa

Today is my last day in Africa. I have some mixed emotions. There is certainly a lot to look forward to back home, but I have met some wonderful people here and had so many memorable moments. Over the next few weeks, I will be spending some time thinking about how I can integrate this experience into my life. I don't think I would be a good fit for Tanzania specifically long term, but I would like to spend a couple years living and working abroad somewhere.

I've told Phil and Alison a few times while out here that I'm looking forward to a double quarter pounder with cheese from McDonald's (terribly unhealthy, I know, but quite delicious). While that's true to a certain extent, I think what is closer to the root of what I'm looking forward to is a return to the familiar for awhile. This contradicts my previous paragraph about wanting to live abroad somewhere a bit, but I think in the end, it comes down to me forcing myself to adapt and accept change. I want to further push the boundaries of my comfort zone and personally develop greater appreciation for all of the diversity in the world. I really want to become conversationally fluent in about six languages so that I can reduce some of my fear of being lost in a sea of unfamiliarity. I have the advantage of already knowing English, but even that only gets me so far. Every once in awhile though, it's nice to return to your roots and feel warmth and security of predictability, you know?

Also, it turns out that I have an 8 hour layover in Amsterdam, making my total travel time back to the US about 35 hours. I'm going to make the best of it though, and spend the morning tomorrow in Amsterdam visiting some sights like the Van Gogh museum. After having lunch in central Amsterdam, I'll head back to the airport for my flight to Detroit and then finally on to Chicago.

A final side note (possibly my last post before returning to the US): I'm looking forward to a little welcome home gathering this weekend at BW3's in Chicago. It'll be lunch so that we can watch a World Cup game. I can't wait for 18 wings, half mild and half medium, with ranch dressing. What yummy goodness. It's amazing that such simple things are held so dear when we think about "home." I guess in our own little ways, we all cling to the familiar, resisting change to some degree.

Sunrise over the Serengeti

As we drove through the park to return to Arusha, we witnessed a spectacular sunrise. You can't tell from the photo very well unless you look away from the area of the sun, but in the distance, you'll see some distant clouds. Sunrise is normally earlier, but these clouds kept me from getting this photo until about 6:50 am. Serengeti National Park, Monday, June 12, 2006.

Africa in shadows

Full moon setting in the west. The exposure was relatively long (1 second) so you can see some stars in this photo. From campsite just outside Serengeti National Park, Monday, June 12, 2006.

Wildebeest

Hundreds of wildebeest. The migration was already almost to Kenya, and the park is so big, so we didn't make it to that. However, this was a pretty substantial herd, perhaps even a few thousand wildebeest. Serengeti National Park, Sunday, June 11, 2006. 

Zebras

Many zebras. Serengeti National Park, Sunday, June 11, 2006. 

Thompson's Gazelle

We saw both Thompson's and Grant's Gazelles. Pictured here is a Thompson's Gazelle, marked by the black stripe among other characteristics. It was pretty common to see the two types of gazelle in herds together. Serengeti National Park, Sunday, June 11, 2006.