The question I hear most.

How's Sweden?

And it's a tough question to answer.

Sweden is filled with familiarity, but things are different enough to keep me on my toes.

I spent much of the weekend hanging out with colleagues.  Saturday, we cheered on a colleague and his wife who ran in the Stockholm Half Marathon (www.stockholmhalvmarathon.se). Later that night, I trekked the furthest south I've been in Stockholm: the Slussen station on the T-bana. It was getting a bit rainy, but we decided to visit an outdoor bar nearby that has an amazing view of the central city. I discovered Stockholm has a pretty cool looking amusement partk in the city!

Sunday, after some chores in the morning, I rode the train and then two buses, all on time and with minimal waiting in between each leg, about 30 km north of the city to attend a colleague's birthday party.  I brought a box of chocolate since it is apparently tradition in Sweden to bring either chocolate or a plant when you visit someone's home for the first time.  I had a great time attempting to have a campfire in the rain, saw some of the new Batman X-Box game, and watched some football.  And wow, what a delicious cake!  All around good times!  On the way back home, those of us from the city were dropped off at the Mörby Centrum station on the red line and caught the train perfectly.  Then, when we arrived at T-Centralen, there was a green line, also perfectly timed.  Such synchronicity!

Today, I was at the airport for my first domestic flight in Sweden.  The Bromma airport was filled with confusion, and it took me quite awhile to figure out whether or not I was standing in the right line to check in for my flight.  Thankfully, I arrived at the airport with plenty of time to spare before my flight and slowly figured things out.  It turns out, the entire check in system for Malmö Aviation was down so they had to check everyone in manually, making paper flight lists, checking bags manually, and so on.  So my flight was delayed 1 hour which caused me to be a half hour late for my meeting.  Which overall wasn't a big deal for the client; they were understanding.

During that confusion and extra hour in the airport though, I feel some frustration due to the unfamiliar surroundings/language, trying my best to figure things out without help. I also smiled a bit since my first flight in Sweden was delayed. So much for a perfect on-time rating in all of my travels so far.

Then there are more amazing moments like tonight, return flight to Bromma with a window seat on the right side of the plane.  We were on time(!) and landing with a nice low evening sunset ahead of us.  I was delighted at the runway placement because I had an amazing view of central Stockholm, the island I live on, and other areas of the city I still need to explore.

How's Sweden?

Making a change by moving to Sweden

Everyone encounters change throughout life.  These changes are driven from evolving circumstances and new opportunities.

I'm making a big change in my circumstances by moving to Sweden. And it's tough. I'm filled with excitement and optimism, fear and stress.

For a few days, here's what it felt like:
Your sleeping and eating patterns are off.  Your attention level is elevated. Your head aches. The pressure around you feels strangely elevated.  You feel dizzy. You feel like you're getting a cold.  And you are.

But then, little by little, you start getting used to little things.  You still feel like an outsider, but a little less so every day.

Like today, when I randomly found Jello and Kraft Macaroni and Cheese at the grocery store.

Things may be very different here, and I'm looking forward to experiencing that, but those things that remind me of the past help me feel a bit more comfortable and at home as I develop my new home in Stockholm.

Back on home soil

So last night, I arrived back in Chicago, safe and sound. I treated Friday as a very long day-- eating breakfast in the air somewhere over France, lunch on the street in Amsterdam, and dinner in Detroit's airport. I was pretty disappointed with my planning in Amsterdam-- I arrived back at the airport after heading downtown an hour earlier than I would have needed to so I could have spent more time seeking a nice sidewalk cafe. As it was, I ended up eating a sandwich on the go as I made my way back to Amsterdam's Centraal Station to catch the train to the airport.

I should should mention that on the plane ride home, I had a lot of time to think. The product of all of that thinking was the realization that I have been going through separation anxiety. Looking back further, I think my posts and private journal writings prior to departure have some of the same elements. I don't know what to make of that realization yet, although I think it's positive that I have learned a little something about myself on this trip. As I sat in Kilimanjaro International Airport on Thursday evening, drinking my last Tusker beer and watching some World Cup, I felt relatively at peace. I was leaving this "other world" behind but I felt like I was able to accomplish something productive while I was there and so I guess that relaxed me.

If my previous trips have taught me anything, it's that once I get back, I have a difficult time staying awake past 6:00 pm for about a week, so I'm not going to be getting bent out of shape to make sure I get everything posted this next week. I'll be posting another entry about the fun times with the kids closer to July.

A conundrum

So I'm just sitting here relaxing for a bit and realized a few things. First, I haven't said goodbye to any of the kids at Amani. I'm going to go resolve that in a few minutes on my way to KCMC to finish packing.

The second is more complex: I've been writing about how I'm looking forward to my old routine. I just realized that my old routine also means I'm going to work on Monday (and actually I'll be logging a little time on Friday night to book travel to Grand Rapids for Monday). One of the worst feelings at the end of a vacation (especially four weeks away from work) is the disappointment that work is just around the corner. I enjoy my job, but there are certain aspects following a return from vacation that are not fun. The one that comes to mind first is all of the e-mail that I will have to deal with. Second, the stress that there might not be any available seats on a flight to Grand Rapids for next week (or no hotels). I need to take care of Advisory University registration (even though I'll be registering late-- the registration period was entirely within my vacation period.) I'm certainly not going to take care of this work stuff now while I'm on vacation, because keeping clear separation between work and vacation is very important to me. I have been periodically downloading my work e-mail to stay somewhat loosely informed. I absolutely do not act on anything during vacation (and seldom on the weekend for that matter). I need the clear split.

The conundrum: So even though I'm looking forward to a return to things I am familiar with, I just realized that I'm also not looking forward to the routine because it is exactly that: the old routine. It's a perplexing contradiction and it's leaving me feeling uncomfortable. I'm saying two things: I want the old routine and I don't want it. There is too much change for me to be happy and not enough change for me to be happy. I haven't figured out what separates one statement from the other yet. Maybe my experience here has been so jarringly differrent from what I'm used to that my three weeks here have become some sort of alternate reality within the construct of my mind. That's not a helpful way of trying to describe how this feels I guess--a bit over the deep end on the sci-fi factor. I'm not going crazy, I promise.

Now, just to provide some reassurance after all of the doomsday junk, I'm not going to leave PwC anytime soon--like I said before, I enjoy my work, so basically I just have to suck it up and deal with the fact that returning to the US is just as major of a change as coming here, and I obviously survived here for three weeks. I should be able to pick up my life in the US where I left it. I would bet that what I'm feeling now is just a reflection of the same fear I felt on my way to Tanzania. Major change is hard and frightening.

Last day in Africa

Today is my last day in Africa. I have some mixed emotions. There is certainly a lot to look forward to back home, but I have met some wonderful people here and had so many memorable moments. Over the next few weeks, I will be spending some time thinking about how I can integrate this experience into my life. I don't think I would be a good fit for Tanzania specifically long term, but I would like to spend a couple years living and working abroad somewhere.

I've told Phil and Alison a few times while out here that I'm looking forward to a double quarter pounder with cheese from McDonald's (terribly unhealthy, I know, but quite delicious). While that's true to a certain extent, I think what is closer to the root of what I'm looking forward to is a return to the familiar for awhile. This contradicts my previous paragraph about wanting to live abroad somewhere a bit, but I think in the end, it comes down to me forcing myself to adapt and accept change. I want to further push the boundaries of my comfort zone and personally develop greater appreciation for all of the diversity in the world. I really want to become conversationally fluent in about six languages so that I can reduce some of my fear of being lost in a sea of unfamiliarity. I have the advantage of already knowing English, but even that only gets me so far. Every once in awhile though, it's nice to return to your roots and feel warmth and security of predictability, you know?

Also, it turns out that I have an 8 hour layover in Amsterdam, making my total travel time back to the US about 35 hours. I'm going to make the best of it though, and spend the morning tomorrow in Amsterdam visiting some sights like the Van Gogh museum. After having lunch in central Amsterdam, I'll head back to the airport for my flight to Detroit and then finally on to Chicago.

A final side note (possibly my last post before returning to the US): I'm looking forward to a little welcome home gathering this weekend at BW3's in Chicago. It'll be lunch so that we can watch a World Cup game. I can't wait for 18 wings, half mild and half medium, with ranch dressing. What yummy goodness. It's amazing that such simple things are held so dear when we think about "home." I guess in our own little ways, we all cling to the familiar, resisting change to some degree.

Sunrise over the Serengeti

As we drove through the park to return to Arusha, we witnessed a spectacular sunrise. You can't tell from the photo very well unless you look away from the area of the sun, but in the distance, you'll see some distant clouds. Sunrise is normally earlier, but these clouds kept me from getting this photo until about 6:50 am. Serengeti National Park, Monday, June 12, 2006.

Africa in shadows

Full moon setting in the west. The exposure was relatively long (1 second) so you can see some stars in this photo. From campsite just outside Serengeti National Park, Monday, June 12, 2006.